Jark

it’s what i be

Muse: everyone is ignoring you

Guys, really call it a day. Despite playing some sort of “symphonic” appropriation of Radiohead, literally no one cares. Except people who don’t matter. Your music has the chugging punk energy of a Carpenters song, the overly enthusiastic vocals of Leonard Cohen, and the musicality of a hypothetical genre i made up called “ProgCountry” (songs about elves and trucks, with constant timeshifts on steel guitar). 

Sincerely,

Kyle

People i hate (i’m tired)

Dude texting whilst walking down the stairs: i hate you. As you veer inconsistently down the tiny stairwell while texting some girl who you met in class and got her number in the guise of forming a study group, no one can fucking pass you. Even the dude with the cast passed you, wake the fuck up. And you’re wasting your time on that girl. She finds the fact that you have been sending her status updates about what you just ate or  your really “crazy professor” fucking terrifying. Go home, beat off to internet porn clips, and fall asleep in pool of keystone while you listen to dave mathews band. Try harder tomorrow, oh slow walking soldier.

Smelly guy in history of rock class: you almost made me sick. I don’t know who you are, and from afar you appear clean, but up close you smell like hot sick. I think it is probably you breath. Brush those chompers. Or just close your mouth when you breathe. Either is fine with me.

And last, but certainly not least: guy who describes himself as a “folk musician”. You know who you are. We are not going to be friends. Stop trying to make it happen. You wear two varieties of livestrong bracelets (a fad that died when you were in 8th grade) both exalting jesus. When in doubt pray it out. Oh no. Please, the other side of the room is for you and your acoustic covers of Switchfoot and that really edgy Green Day cover you did on your myspace page.

Legit run at blog.

I can’t decide if i want to make this wholly a blog dedicated to caleb + kyle shenanigans, or just some sort of free form blah blah bullshit. I am going with blah blah bullshit. 

First off, kanye west, you rule. You insulted taylor swift on national television. Hey, taylor, sooner or later someone is going to realize you are talentless. That someone happened to be kanye. Bad stroke of luck. 

As she went home last night, sobbing her dumb 19 year old head off, perhaps she considered calling it day with this whole “music” thing. She should have just gone to community college for two years, until her parents figured out a way to pay her into some public university, where she could join a sorority, eat ranch dressing to her heart’s content, and get some bad head shots taken so she could tell boys she was a “model”.

But no, not taylor, she chose the hard path. Arduous hours spent “co-writing” songs about her “experiences” with “Boys”. Grueling minutes spent learning how to fart out guitar chords utterly out of rhythm. Days spent learning to properly posture and pose to her newest song (these things don’t lip-sync themselves).

Taylor, you are an american hero. I salute you. Soldier on, you big beautiful dumb animal. Our country is in your hands